still not giving up.

Did not experience that feeling since two years plus ago. But this time it came into my life differently, different situation. I don't really know how to handle it. It's always a mind catching game. It just felt different but things that are happening are bringing me into dilemma. Maybe cause of things that you told me that you once experienced, i understand.

currently I know I'm still indulging myself in it. 

Never felt so strange

I never felt so strange before. It never once happened this way until it happened for the first time in my life. 

When challenges come, what can you do when there's nothing can be done by you? This is the choice I took, the way I chosen. Suffering indeed, but as well keeping me indecisive. It wasn't a prolong period of time, but it kept me stacked up with enormous amount of stress and sadness. 

It was still clear in my mind, the exact date, implanted and not removable from my mind. Keeping me indecisive all the time, to hold or not to hold. It was weird I remember this more than that. I just don't understand what's going through my mind.

I thought it can go according to the way I thought it would be, until something that came about and revealed me with another truth. Realising the pain was far worse than suicide, dying slowly deep inside.

I changed, I admit. Who doesn't change? If you don't like the way I changed into, just fuck off. It will only show how pathetic and fragile our friendship is. Living as the life I'm moving on now, guess I'm seeing the world more than ever. Realising how realistic the world is, realising it's all about the game. There will never be a winner, just players. 

It felt even worse when I overcome something that I don't wish to see, don't wish to hear, but deep inside, I want to know. I care more when I'm trying not to, when I want to, eventually things turned up the other way round. I just felt that, perhaps I'm weird. 

There is this one friend after 4 years, you never fail to be there whenever I need someone to talk to. Still you know my mind well, somehow you manage to feel when I'm upset. On other way, you're too experienced to give me opinions on those *jokes*. I miss you, come back fast. Needing a hug from you badly.

Never been this depressing which lasted for so long. Just too stubborn to decide on something that shouldn't even worth my care..I'll definitely find myself silly in the future reading back this post.

checking out,

siewhui

lifegoeson

Life goes on, this is what I believe all along. All along I thought I would not be getting over it that soon until I personally experience it myself. I guess it's something good?

Moving forward to the next stage of life, living as a 21 y.o girl now, all I want to do is just to enjoy my life to the fullest.. Things happen thou. Depending on how I manage them, wisely or not wisely. Who really cares? Not much would understand how exactly how I feel, but there are some. Crying is just an act to remove the pain hidden in the heart. It's all gone now. Let bygones be bygones.

something does bother me right now. I just need to act wise. That's it.

toddles.

I hope that's not the truth. You're hiding something behind.

Just gonna buy myself more drink

Just don't wanna be sober.

Feeling strange, for once again.

It was real.

Remembrance

Life is getting more rampant. Life is too short to be wasted. I'm now 21, how many years more do I have? I do not know what may come next, but I am definitely not appeased with my current life. I am grateful for the life gifted, but this is not the life I am asking for. I can wait no longer to graduate.

When was the last time you laughed so loud till' you couldn't breathe? Too far apart until it is not possible for you to recall? Or was it just yesterday that you had one of the greatest day in your life? We can control our own life, but not people around us. Don't intend to control others when you can't keep yours well-controlled and well-planned. Unfortunate incidents might happen out of nowhere and keep your tears flowing. Tears wasted, but fact remain unchanged.

Most of the unresolved problems remain. Even there might be a possibility to grant your wish in future but there is so much to take before you even succeed. Each hard time gives you really severe heart attack and leading you to think of giving up. Even your heart breaks each time after things get better and the same reason and problem occurs once again, nothing you can do. Just wait. TIME is such a heavy burden. Leaving people scars and tears which could not aid the broken hearts. It holds us back with memories and life moves on, going through a prolonged period of time, and memories remain. Leaving you living in the remembrance of life.

I ain't perfect, either anyone else.

I can see light at the end of the tunnel, I believe there is still a chance, a possibility.