I never felt so strange before. It never once happened this way until it happened for the first time in my life.
When challenges come, what can you do when there's nothing can be done by you? This is the choice I took, the way I chosen. Suffering indeed, but as well keeping me indecisive. It wasn't a prolong period of time, but it kept me stacked up with enormous amount of stress and sadness.
It was still clear in my mind, the exact date, implanted and not removable from my mind. Keeping me indecisive all the time, to hold or not to hold. It was weird I remember this more than that. I just don't understand what's going through my mind.
I thought it can go according to the way I thought it would be, until something that came about and revealed me with another truth. Realising the pain was far worse than suicide, dying slowly deep inside.
I changed, I admit. Who doesn't change? If you don't like the way I changed into, just fuck off. It will only show how pathetic and fragile our friendship is. Living as the life I'm moving on now, guess I'm seeing the world more than ever. Realising how realistic the world is, realising it's all about the game. There will never be a winner, just players.
It felt even worse when I overcome something that I don't wish to see, don't wish to hear, but deep inside, I want to know. I care more when I'm trying not to, when I want to, eventually things turned up the other way round. I just felt that, perhaps I'm weird.
There is this one friend after 4 years, you never fail to be there whenever I need someone to talk to. Still you know my mind well, somehow you manage to feel when I'm upset. On other way, you're too experienced to give me opinions on those *jokes*. I miss you, come back fast. Needing a hug from you badly.
Never been this depressing which lasted for so long. Just too stubborn to decide on something that shouldn't even worth my care..I'll definitely find myself silly in the future reading back this post.
checking out,
siewhui
